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So, here’s my new header and I’m a bit scared.
And it’s all Jenna Sinclair’s fault of course. (Couldn't be mine, could it?)
Well, actually it’s rhaegal and awarrington‘s fault too as it was at KiScon that I met the wonderful person who later send me the BBM print zine “Somebody New” that ignited my love for Jack and Ennis; a zine written by Jenna Sinclair and honestly, who could possibly resist anything written by Jenna? Certainly not me.
She could write the yellow pages and I were smitten.

Anyway, I read it and fell.
Always liked the movie before, but only the fanfiction, Jenna’s ff, opened my heart for Jack and Ennis in a way I couldn’t have had foreseen and it hit me with such an impact that I yet have trouble breathing.
 
My head still has huge problems sorting out the fact that I like both couples so incredibly much now, but my heart sees everything clear: it’s got enough love for all four of them.
And my heart doesn’t care about my reason that feels like I’m betraying the respectively other couple. Oh dear. How do other people do that?
 
It’s just very important to me that my K/S flist knows I’m not loving Kirk and Spock any less, more the contrary because the realness of Ennis and Jack made Kirk’s and Spock’s love even realer too. Well, at least that’s how it works in my head and yes, I know I’m mental.
 
I read the BBM novel in August and since about then I thought about telling my K/S buddies but I was afraid. Strange, huh?
Just…please understand and know that K/S is still the love and obsession of my life, I simply don’t wanna hide Jack and Ennis anymore either.
 
BBM feels entirely different from K/S and it’s such a…yes, fascinating experience :) The fandom feels different, the reading and the picture making too. It’s inexplicable and yet it’s there.
 
I’ll be posting here all the pics I made so far ‘coz I like the thought of having all my fanish outbursts in one place. I’ll leave out my two German ficlets though.
 
Dear flist, you’ve been awesome and please be sure I appreciate your pure existence and support infinitely, always have and ever will. Lj is the place for me to be able to be fanish and alive besides the conventions (which I already hunger for!) and it’s very, very precious to me.

Comments

( 21 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
tracionn
Nov. 25th, 2011 04:16 pm (UTC)
:) Thank you!!
Couldn't have done it without your help.
coeurdesoleil
Nov. 25th, 2011 07:14 pm (UTC)
I think it is wonderful that you have found another pairing that you are invested in and that inspires you to make art! I definitely do not think that just because you are also into another pairing, you are somehow betraying K/S or the K/S fandom: in fact, I think most people have more than one OTP and participate in more than just one fandom to a lesser or greater extent. Kirk/Spock will always be my main OTP even though I love Esca/Marcus (The Eagle) to pieces and I also ship other pairings such as Sherlock/John and Logan/Veronica (Veronica Mars). I feel like K/S and E/M speak to different parts of me and that I enjoy the pairings and fics about them for different reasons.

Your new header looks beautiful! (I love Brokeback Mountain but I have never read any fic for it)

*hugs*
tracionn
Nov. 25th, 2011 07:38 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much bb!!!! Really really really. I know it's silly to be so worried about that but I somehow am - yet much less so now after your words.

And it's exactly as you say - the other pairring does not replace any part in my heart, it contemplates and enriches.

I totally understand Sherlock/John of course, as well as Esca/Marcus. I gotta catch up with Veronica Mars though! Arr, so little time....

Thank you for having taken the time to comment. You just reassured me tremendously.
And thank you also for the kind words about the header!

Hugs received, doubled up and sent back!


PS:
And you made me icon-addicted too! Got me a paid account and am aiming to have many many icons too :)
coeurdesoleil
Nov. 25th, 2011 07:55 pm (UTC)
Hehe, never enough time. That's the only drawback to having more than one fandom :)

Lol lol, have fun picking and choosing more icons! I can never get enough, seriously. I'm pretty sure I've got a couple of Brokeback Mountain icons saved to my harddrive, just in case I ever got more into that fandom :P
tracionn
Nov. 25th, 2011 08:02 pm (UTC)
And for me, it's so much fun making them! It's like spending time with the four of them.

I'm gonna wish me time for Christmas :)
natashasolten
Nov. 25th, 2011 08:59 pm (UTC)
Back when I was so heavily dedicated 100 percent to K/S, I fell for Blake's 7 fandom. I felt almost guilty about it, too, but what I found was that it enriched my K/S...it did not take away from it.

Fandom should be fun and should be about what moves you, what you love. There is no reason to limit yourself. On the other hand there are people who are into "fandom" first and the shows second and any pairing will do. I'm not one of them. I have to be "in love" and for me that's not a common occurrence but a rare occurrence. But when I do fall "in love" I am very very loyal.

I love other shows, some quite a bit, but I've only ever fallen "in love" with three slash pairings in all my years:

Star Trek K/S
Blake's 7 Blake/Avon
Wiseguy Sonny/Vinnie

Steve and Danny of Hawaii Five-0 have been trying to compete but while I love them I have never fallen "in love" with them. Same with Jack and Ennis. I love the movie, I love them, but falling in love with them is another thing. It can happen, it's not something you can make up and when it does happen it's not something you can avoid, either. So I say enjoy it while it does happen. There is no better feeling than being in love.
tracionn
Nov. 26th, 2011 10:15 am (UTC)
I felt almost guilty about it, too, but what I found was that it enriched my K/S...it did not take away from it.
Exactly, I feel that way too. I was just concerned 'coz before BBM, I myself even couldn't understand that one could love more then one pairing. How naiive I was! I understand things much better now that I experience that and I know there's enough love.

I'm also the same with the in-love-falling. And I didn't *look* for another pairing, not at all, but it simply happened. The same way you described it. And yes, even with all the heart-sorrow it IS the best feeling ever!

Thank you so much for leaving a comment and giving support! It's very precious to me, really.


gilda_elise
Nov. 26th, 2011 02:06 am (UTC)
There's certainly no reason why you can't have more than one love. I, after all, have Bodie and Doyle and Napoleon and Illya—and a few others. :-) And as long as you have no plans on leaving your first love, I wish you great happiness with your second... or third... or fourth... or, well, you get the picture.

At least your second fandom isn't awash in zines or you'd really be in trouble!
tracionn
Nov. 26th, 2011 10:26 am (UTC)
Ahhhm thanks a million, Gilda! I don't even know why I'm so worried, I just don't want you and our group to think I wouldn't love K/S anymore.
But yes, you do know how it is and that one is capable to love more then one pairing. And Jack and Ennis are so different from Kirk and Spock (probably the same with Bodie and Doyle and Napoleon and Illya) that there's not even remotely a risk they would replace each other.

And as long as you have no plans on leaving your first love
Oh, never ever EVAR. It's not even as if I were moving on or so, I just added something wonderful to my fannish life. And Spock and Kirk - who yould ever stop loving them? And I'm not saying that just because I have their intitials tattoed on my body :)

I really gonna start watching The Professionals! So little time. Unfortunately, U.N.C.L.E isn't available on DVD anymore, I checked amazon.uk. Mpf.

At least your second fandom isn't awash in zines or you'd really be in trouble!
I KNOW, RIGHT?!?! My thoughts exactly and I'm really, really glad about it. As far as I know, there are only two zines and I've got them both already. I really wouldn't have either the money nor the space to store away even more zines! And you, as a zine person as well, understand! Thank you ^-^

Love your icon! I need one like that too for my two loves! Ha, just found me a project for today :)
What's the pairing in the top left quarter?

*huggels*


Edited at 2011-11-26 10:42 am (UTC)
gilda_elise
Nov. 26th, 2011 12:17 pm (UTC)
Oh, never ever EVAR. It's not even as if I were moving on or so, I just added something wonderful to my fannish life. And Spock and Kirk - who yould ever stop loving them? And I'm not saying that just because I have their intitials tattoed on my body :)

Lol, yes, that might make it a tad difficult.

I KNOW, RIGHT?!?! My thoughts exactly and I'm really, really glad about it. As far as I know, there are only two zines and I've got them both already. I really wouldn't have either the money nor the space to store away even more zines! And you, as a zine person as well, understand!

Don't I ever! Both Pros and UNCLE have had quite a few zines published, especially Pros.

Love your icon! I need one like that too for my two loves! Ha, just found me a project for today :)
What's the pairing in the top left quarter?


Alexander/Hephaiston from the 2004 movie, though I've been interested in the pairing since I read Mary Renault's Fire from Heaven, in the early 70s sometime. I suppose that makes them my first slash pairing. :-)

Oh, and I love your icon, too. Looks vaguely familiar. ;-)
tracionn
Nov. 26th, 2011 01:08 pm (UTC)
Oh, and I love your icon, too. Looks vaguely familiar. ;-)
Doesn't it just? :D
It reminds me so many things - the magic of that story, the joy of KiSmet, the fun we had on SL playing with the boys, and you!!

Ah, Alexander and Hephaiston! Thank you. They are quite an impressive pairing too, and such an early and historic one.
I haven't read anything yet but will at some point and keep the novel you mentioned in mind.

Sending hugs!
suchthefangirl
Nov. 26th, 2011 02:35 am (UTC)
If it waan't for having more than one fandom, I wouldn't know you. I started on LJ very firmly entrenched in Sports Night. I still love them more than I can say. They weren't even my first love, just the ones that got me onto LJ. Now the numbers of couples I'm obsessed with is enough to make me cringe.

I know what you mean about feeling guilty. I feel guilty when I decide not to read something with one of my pairings, like I'm not giving them the time they deserve...

If you were going to pick only one other fandom, Jack and Ennis are pretty awesome. I've not read any fic of theirs but I loved the movie. (though it killed me every time I saw it).

Who knows what you'll discover next. And the header is beautiful! I envy you. I could never make anything so lovely.
tracionn
Nov. 26th, 2011 10:37 am (UTC)
If it wasn't for having more than one fandom, I wouldn't know you.
You have an awesome point here! I shall tell that my overthinking reason and I have the feeling it will be calmed by that big time.

I know what you mean about feeling guilty. I feel guilty when I decide not to read something with one of my pairings, like I'm not giving them the time they deserve....
Yep! Same here. We are crazy. But I love ff so much that I'd chose to be crazy anytime anew.

If you were going to pick only one other fandom, Jack and Ennis are pretty awesome. I've not read any fic of theirs but I loved the movie. (though it killed me every time I saw it).
There's wonderful ff out there and I've only read so few yet. But much pain in them, especially when they are canon-along naturally.

Thank you so much for having taken the time to comment!! As I was scared indeed, your comment means a lot to me.

*blush* Thank you also for the kind words about the header! It took ages but I loved doing it and I'm so happy you think it turned yout well!
^-^ ^-^

ariadnechan
Nov. 26th, 2011 09:45 pm (UTC)
I love your new header!!
i didn't watch the movie yet but i made a brokeback trek


i will upload it to my journal, here

http://ariadnechan.livejournal.com/146072.html

Edited at 2011-11-26 10:23 pm (UTC)
tracionn
Nov. 27th, 2011 09:54 am (UTC)
*weeeeeeeeeeeehh* AWESOME! Love Brokeback K/S :)
Thank you so much for this!!
^-^
sh_nisan
Nov. 26th, 2011 11:51 pm (UTC)
A new Header, An additional love, And an assurance
I like your new header, and that you wrote.
tracionn
Nov. 27th, 2011 10:13 am (UTC)
Re: A new Header, An additional love, And an assurance
:)
Thank you so much! No way I couldn't love Jack and Ennis too.
(Deleted comment)
tracionn
Nov. 27th, 2011 09:36 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! It took me ages and but that it is like dnot only by me but by others maked up for everything. Thank you for leaving a comment!!
hsv_fangirl
Jan. 30th, 2012 12:13 am (UTC)
it's a great other fandom to have! I love the header! If I neglected to say so before. xxoo

Edited at 2012-01-30 12:13 am (UTC)
tracionn
Jan. 30th, 2012 01:14 pm (UTC)
:) :) :)
Thank you again and again! I love Jack&Ennis to and they definitely enriched my world, even my K/S world.
And thank you for the kind words about the header! I'm very flattered :)
( 21 comments — Leave a comment )